Night Putting: Why Tiger Woods shouldn’t have fucked up

The PR shitstorm that has come from Tiger Woods’ marital transgressions is pretty unavoidable, in my estimation (I liked the New York Times’ take on it). You can’t possibly fuck up that bad while having been perennially in the media’s spotlight for more than 10 years and get away scot-free (unless your name happens to be Bill Clinton).

You’re going to lose sponsors, and some major ones, even. But even Kobe Bryant survived his scandal in Eagle County, Colorado – and is now one of the NBA’s biggest stars again (I heard so much about it, living in Vail when it was happening). I’m pretty sure that Tiger Will come back after a while off, his wife will gain a new set of diamond earrings, a beach villa in the South of Italy, and a tighter leash on one of the world’s most iconic personalities.

But Tiger Woods could have avoided this fate if he just listened to the advice of another iconic (and rich) golfer.

Caddyshack is one of my favorite all-time golf movies (it is also one of my favorite all-time comedies). I have a feeling that I’m not the only one who has watched it. In fact, I bet a lot of pro golfers out there would list Caddyshack in their “favorites” list. I am willing to bet that it’s not one of Tiger Woods’ favorite movies, otherwise he probably wouldn’t be in the hot water he’s in. But it should have been. Caddyshack isn’t just a light comedy movie with booger, sex, and golf jokes. It’s an invaluable tool to teach you how to live your life by contrasting the exploits of overprivileged snobbery with those of the underprivileged service industry supporting them. Take this scene, for instance:

It’s all spelled out here for Tiger Woods. What a bummer he didn’t heed the attention of Ty Webb (played by Chevy Chase), who tells a young Danny Noonan about the pitfalls of “night putting”. Two points if you know who he was talking about.

Yes, it was Mitch Cumstein, Ty’s roommate. Had Tiger Woods heeded Ty’s advice to avoid night putting and not fucked all these chicks all over the world (or not gotten married in the first place), apparently, he wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. But no, he had to do it wrong. And he got busted for it.