Lucky Flash by Robert Swier, on Flickr

I was staying with a colleague in Frederick, Maryland back in September, and his girlfriend (now fiancee) happened to be nannying for a couple of kids. It was movie night over here and the movie we’ve picked (aka, these kids) is Step Up 2: The Streets (aka Step Up 2: Electric Boogaloo).

Spoiler alert! If you’re planning on watching this movie, well, I’d recommend that you don’t.

I was a little worried that this film would be way over my head, having not viewed the first Step Up film. Don’t worry though, folks. The film makes perfect sense. Which is to say, that I don’t much give a crap, either way. Which is why I wrote this blog entry in the first place.

Taking place in local Baltimore (and no, this isn’t a John Waters film), “SU2:EB” is a classic example of the clash between privileged private school kids and street thugs. Pair that with a romantic storyline and you’ve got Hollywood GOLD. I’ve never seen street-based hip-hop dancing like this. Oh wait, I have. This is the same contrived bullshit that HOllywood has been shoving down the throats of teenagers for years.

Did I mention the witty banter? Because this film is chock full of it. Favorite lines:

• “Everybody’s hating on you because you’re so dope.”
• “The Streets? You mean, like Sesame Street?”
• “Oh Miss Thing, you got titties!”
• “We call this a battle, but what are we fighting for?”

Yes, people, this movie is like the bastard child of a drunken 3-way between Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo, Footloose, and Bring It On. This bastard has uncles you might know: like West Side Story and You Got Served. Because when you’re a Maryland School of the Artist, you’re a Maryland School of the Artist.

Ooh, theres even a rad viral video that the private school freaks made in iMovie to the tune of the Humpty Dance. Oh, but the pranks escalate into full-on vandalism.

Oh, and who could forget the snotty fuck rich kid getting his ass kicked on the mean streets of Baltimore? This is class warfare in a thinly veiled movie about dancing.

Did I mention the asshole president of the Art Academy? Oh, because he’s definitely an asshole. And it turns out that his brother is the chick’s love interest! This movie is like an onion – so many layers upon layers of lameness. It’s like an onion that tastes like feces.

And the dance-off at the end? Heavy suspense, my friends. The prepsters really came through after getting kicked out of the dance-off. They really won their respect.

Ultimately this movie is the piece of shit that I expected it to be.

IMG_3633 by nerfski, on Flickr